Why doesn't Mistress like me?

Troubleshooting your own behaviour

Written by Seraphine Says, Melbourne Dominatrix.

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Sitting in brooding silence, staring at your screen, you ponder to yourself:

“Why doesn’t Mistress like me...?”

Mysterious.

Perplexing.

Truly unknowable...

Except, it isn't.

More often than not, a Dominant's dislike comes down to patterns of behaviour—before, during, and after a session—that signal something very different from what you might intend.

If you’re serious about being a respectful, enjoyable submissive to play with, it’s worth taking an honest look at the habits that might be working against you.

- - -

Outside of Play )

Before you even book, you may already be telling on yourself.

Classic mistakes include:

| Messaging constantly… without actually booking anything

| Writing emails so long they qualify as short novels

| Talking like a rejected porn script

| Sending photos/videos no one asked for (no, really—no one asked)

| Trying to get free erotica disguised as “curiosity”

| Pre-scripting the entire session like you’re directing a low-budget film

| Asking intrusive or completely irrelevant questions

| Expecting to be convinced to book

| Begging for exceptions outside working hours because you “neeeeeed it”

💡 What this signals: Entitlement, selfishness, and relentless demanding.

💡 Why Mistress doesn't like it: You don’t respect time, boundaries, or the fact this is a job.

- - -

On Arrival )

First impressions matter - and so does basic responsibility.

Problem behaviours include:

| Showing up dehydrated, unfed, and running on vibes alone

| Arriving early and expecting to be let in like it’s a café

| Arriving late and expecting time to magically stretch for you

| Saying “I have no limits” (This is not impressive, it’s concerning)

| Suggesting unsafe play (No mercy? No way)

| Answering questions with “whatever you want” (I want you to answer the question!)

💡 What this signals: Lack of accountability and disregard for safety.

💡 Why Mistress doesn't like it: You expect to be managed like a child, not engaged with like an adult.

- - -

During Play )

This is where respect, attention, and trust are most critical.

Undesirable actions include:

| Constantly asking for new things mid-session

| Begging for things you’ve already been told “no” to

| Sulking when you don’t get your way

| Touching without permission (this is not “cheeky”—it’s a problem)

| Ignoring instructions because you “got too excited”

| Dropping in surprise roleplay (ie: "bratting") like it’s an improv class

💡 What this signals: Poor impulse control and a lack of basic respect.

💡 Why Mistress doesn't like it: You are exhausting, unsafe, and not nearly as charming as you think.

- - -

Aftercare & Post-Play )

Aftercare is important. Abuse of aftercare is... noticeable.

Problematic patterns include:

| Treating your Domme as your personal therapist, while refusing to see an ACTUAL therapist

| Repeated dramatic, emotional subdrops that conveniently extend session time

| Creating avoidable aftercare needs through poor preparation (eg; not eating, hydrating, sleeping)

| Constant, repeated, insatiable reassurance-seeking

💡 What this signals: Emotional dependency and blurred boundaries.

💡 Why Mistress doesn't like it: You will take advantage of those who care for you, just to avoid learning to care for yourself.

- - -

What does this say about you?

Over time, these behaviours tend to fall into recognisable personality patterns. If any of these feel familiar, it’s time to stop avoiding the elephant in the play room.

It's time to meet... "The Usual Suspects"

TYPE 1 | THE SPOILED BRAT

You aren't the main character - you are the only character.

You might be this if you:

| Write essays instead of emails

| Try to script everything in advance

| Ask for something new, something more, every 5 minutes

| Push for exceptions and special treatment

| Sulk when requests are denied

💡 Underlying issue: Entitlement and a need to control the experience.

💡 Core vibe: “But what about what I want?” (repeated indefinitely)

TYPE 2 | THE SEX PEST 

You will only respect a boundary after you've tried crossing it.

You might be this if you:

| Use explicit, pornified language unprompted

| Send unwanted images or videos

| Treat boundary pushing as "part of the fun"

| Touch without waiting to receive permission

💡 Underlying issue: Disregard for consent and minimising harmful behaviour.

💡 Core vibe: “It can't hurt to try... and try... and try... and try..."

TYPE 3 | CALL ME IRRESPONSIBLE 

Preparation? Planning? Self-awareness? You can't be expected to deal with all that!

You might be this if you:

| Book last minute and expect miracles

| Refuse to define clear limits

| Request unsafe or unrealistic activities

| Show up unprepared

💡 Underlying issue: Refusal to accept their reciprocal responsibility required during play

💡 Core vibe: Weaponised incompetence with a side of chaos.

TYPE 4 | THE BOTTOMLESS PIT(Y)

You feel very deeply—and everyone must come along for the ride.

You might be this if you:

| Message excessively for validation or reassurance

| Emotionally spiral when bad behaviour is corrected

| Apologise dramatically, only to repeat the same behaviour

| Turn aftercare into emotional overtime

| Use distress to maintain attention and connection

💡 Underlying issue: Emotional dependency and poor self regulation

💡 Core vibe: "I'm sooo sorry, I feel sooo bad - and I'll feel even worse the next time I do it!"

- - -

FINAL THOUGHTS...

The good news? All of this is fixable.

The bad news? You do, in fact, have to fix it.

A good submissive doesn’t just show up—they:

| Communicate clearly

| Respect boundaries

| Take responsibility for themselves

| Understand that this is a professional dynamic, not unconditional emotional labour

If you recognise yourself in any of these patterns, I want you to see this for what it is - an opportunity to acknowledge and to do better.

Because the real question isn’t

“Why doesn’t Mistress like me?”,

it's

“Am I showing Mistress a submissive worth liking?”